cece | lost and found

My Jaaaamie. We met. In Soho. Last summer. For real.

I don’t really understand when people “ask” me this question. Like they really care. Since I’m done with re-watching all the seasons of Seinfeld, I started watching The Office again. Actually I’m not very familiar with the show, maybe I saw like 5 episodes here and there. Its a funny show, and it does remind me of my work here (I’m blogging from work, how cool is that).

So yeah. Office… it’s not for me. I’m looking at all these people in suits, working and faking working, drinking coffee, checking out the ladies/dudes, laughing at jokes I don’t get, going outside for a cig… Blah. I don’t belong here. Where do I belong though? I see myself working in a huge loft filled with iMacs and creative/eco-friendly people, working on interesting projects, where money will not be (the only) motivation. Or maybe I could be my own boss, travel the world to visit my clients everywhere. I need to find a job I enjoy/admire. Hopefully I will after I’m done with school next year!

We’re often told that the toughest years in words of introspection are during the teen years. I disagree.
I think they are during the mid 20’s. It’s so hard. You have to do some kind of a first statement of what you accomplished, what you haven’t, and you have to really look at the mirror this time. This is you. You will not change for a long time. Either you’re happy with the reflection, either you’re not.

I live a conflict with myself. Constantly thinking, wondering, asking, observing myself as if I was out of my own body and watching myself drowning. Have you ever thought of yourself as if you were an other person?
What is it with this society that makes you judge yourself all the time? Am I pretty enough? Am I a failure because I don’t have a career yet? Am I a weirdo if I don’t want to live their lives?
It’s crazy what human beings can put themselves through… I am like that fly, constantly flying in search of an opened window, but it never finds it… I’m caught up. Someone open the window for me, and let me go.